Rogue 10: Top Ten Aliens You Wouldn't Want to Meet at a Bar

Tuesday, 08 March 2011 16:17 Written by  Jordan DeSaulnier
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Rogue 10: Top Ten Aliens You Wouldn't Want to Meet at a Bar

This Friday, yet another wave of malicious aliens will attempt to invade our fertile Earth soil in Jonathan Liebesman's Battle: Los Angeles, starring Aaron Eckhart and Michelle Rodriguez.  For every cool alien, like E.T., Mork, or Alf, there are at least half a dozen who just want to take over a planet that isn't rightfully theirs or simply murder every human in sight.  Movies like Battle: LA always depict aliens destroying of cool landmarks, but when alien action goes down, the average citizen is more likely to be at home or perhaps enjoying a night on the town.  So, for your safety, we've compiled a list of extraterrestrials that you definitely would not want to encounter at your local watering hole.

10. Quark, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

As played by Armin Shimerman, Quark is, at times, the most unsavory and amoral of all Ferengi.  This is worth noting because the entire Ferengi culture is based upon craven capitalistic acquisition above all else.  Getting drunk around Quark would surely involve being conned out of everything in your pocket.  That said, he'd never try to kill you, and Ferengi do know how to have a good time.

9. Anonymous Invader, Independence Day

This unnamed alien made it on the list for being a planet-invading coward who hides inside a protective bio-suit.  Even inside the suit, though, you can defeat him with a single, bare-fisted smack and a dry, cool wit, as Will Smith so ably demonstrated with his famous, post-punch bon mot, “Welcome to Earth.”

8. A Pod Person, Invasion of The Body Snatchers

Whether you’re talking about the original adaptation of Invasion of The Body Snatchers from 1952, the remakes from 1978 and 1993, or 2007’s The Invasion, these extraterrestrials take root inside a Earthling host and promptly extinguish their humanity.  So that cutie making eyes at you from the other end of the bar could very well be a pod person waiting to infect your drunk ass.

7. Predator, Predator

This ugly hunting-obsessed alien from John McTiernan’s 1987 action opus would almost certainly want to play a drinking game.  Problem is, he’d probably tear your spine out if you lost.  Predators are like that.

6. Crystal Skulled Inter-Dimensional Alien, Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of The Crystal Skull

These aliens might not actually be so bad, but if you find yourself in the presence of even one of them, it means you’re in an bloated, unnecessary addition to a Harrison Ford franchise. 

5. The Thing, The Thing

Much like a body snatching pod person, the parasite from John Carpenter’s remake could be controlling anyone, turning the whole bar into a bunch of paranoid murderers in no time.  Unlike a pod person though, The Thing looks really, really jacked up underneath that human flesh.

4. Dr. Evazan, aka Doctor Cornelius, aka Roofoo, Star Wars

This ugly dude has the death sentence on twelve systems.  He’s you classic intergalactic sh*t-talker, but he’s easy enough to deal with if you travel with a Jedi Knight or have a lightsaber.  Unfortunately, you don’t generally roll with a laser sword, so he might just sucker punch you and take all your credits.

3. Xenomorph, Alien

The acid-blooded aliens from the Alien franchise aren’t stellar conversationalists.  If you run into one of these killing machines, it’s probably hopping out of the darkness to violently murder you, or it’s exploding out of your chest.  Either way, it's ruining everybody’s good time.

2. The Blob, The Blob

In the original The Blob, starring a young Steve McQueen, the eponymous, exponentially expanding alien amoeba consumed an entire bar full of unsuspecting patrons who just wanted to get their drink on.  As such, The Blob would not make for a good drinking buddy.

1. Terl, Battlefield Earth

John Travolta’s huge-footed, dreadlocked bureaucrat is the most obnoxious of an unfailingly obnoxious species, the Psychlos.  When not cackling like an idiot or blathering on about “leverage”, this space-douche would be condescendingly calling you a “man-animal.”  Also, his outfit consists exclusively of black leather and massive, off-putting codpiece, which would get him shanked in a biker bar.

It remains to be seen whether or not the aliens of Battle: Los Angeles would make good drinking buddies, but based the trailers, I'm guessing they'd be more interesting in vaporizing everything around them.

Are there any other aliens whom you really wouldn't want to sit next to while enjoying a beer or wine?

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